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 So here it is… the long awaited diary of our trip to BBC's 'Test The Nation'…! and I will of course be disclosing ALL of our scores from the show…! yes girlies, hide in shame…! We defo have some right thicko's I can tell you… but all that later… I'll let you guess who the dummie is…!!
So it was off on our trip to London's Pinewood Studios. Flew down in style with BMI, picked up at the airport and taken to our hotel luvies…! ya ya…! Actually the first 'celeby' we saw was Caprice in London's Heathrow airport. Strutting through the baggage collection looking like a wasp with her massive sunglasses on and lemon Prada jacket. So I wrapped my 'Rockettes' top around my waist, she prob thought that was a new brand eh… …maybe not…!
Back at the hotel and we had a few spare hours to grab a bite to eat and freshen up. Katrina Foran did our French manicures and as the straighteners and tan sponges were being passed from room to room it was becoming apparent that the nerves were kicking in. 'Made-up' scenarios of what was going to happen when we got to the studio were getting so far-fetched and the nervy laughs were uncontrollable… especially my big loud laugh… Sound like Calamity Jane…!
All too soon we were on our way to the studio. On our bus with us was a group of guys from Ireland – surfers (for the record our group 'The Entertainers' beat the 'Surfers') so banter was good and we all had a wee sing-along. Arriving at the check-in gate at Pinewood Studios was a bit of a let down for me. The place looked like an army barracks. Scores and scores of buildings everywhere with billboards from films and dramas, armies of dark-dressed security personnel with head mics, zooming golf-buggy cars carrying overweight men or ladies with crutches…! There was even a watch tower…! Where's Chitty Chitty Bang Bang…? Where's The Queen Vic…? I want to see the chocolate river from 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'…! As I stood in my huff the queue to check us in was slowly moving… Do you know, there was a 2ft fence with a 6ft gate… NO kidding…! If you wanted to get in you could just leap over the fence…!! Eventually we were escorted to our building, briefed on the show and given a hot meal. I was still in a huff… pure beelin' actually… still no sign of Chitty…!
The Entertainers – that's us – were taken into the studio first. We were the 'special' group and got to do the 'live' trailer for the show going out. The studio was bright and warm which was a relief as we had walked round in hot-pants in the freezing cold. All the groups were seated round in a circle with the question boards in the middle and the celeb panel at the top right-hand end. As the other groups were being brought into the studio one of the producers asked if we would stand up and do a wee chant…!! HA… now I'll back-track briefly to training the week before when Clayr and I made up a wee funny chant to the others' scoffs…! Who's laughing now eh…! So on the spot, heart jumpin out ma jumper, Clayr and i had to stand up and shout with glee our wee cheesy chant in our finest South Carolina accents…! Ann Robinson was looking at us as if to say 'please sit down and don't speak ever again'. BUT they liked it and it was a crash-course for the other girls to pick it up in time for our debut. Rehearsals were buzzing away in every corner of the studio and everyone was just enjoying taking everything in. Well, in saying that, Karen and I had this nutter sitting beside us…! OMG… I can't even begin to tell you… I could write a piece on her alone… thankfully the producers pulled her out before the live show commenced so at least we could breathe again for starters…!
As the show got under way I could not even think about the questions we were being asked, and as my finger was shaking so bad the buttons were not being pressed properly… (bear that in mind when you see my score)… all I kept thinking about was 'oh no… this chant's coming up… this chant's next… oh no brass neck… it's now…'… think I kept poking Karen in the ribs and at one point none of us could breathe for laughing. Then it was time… our queue was Ann Robinson saying… 'So where's the Rockettes? Stand up and give us a cheer…'… and then we were on… I didn't appreciate how 'dolly' we looked until I saw the tape…
'Ready OKAY…
'That's all right, that's OK, we'll top this show any day…
'We've got Philip, we've got Ann… we've got some of the Rockette gang…
'We can dance, we can kick… we're so good it makes you sick…!'
Oh dear… my only worry was who I was slapping first…! Thankfully Clayr managed to salvage 'any' dignity we had left… OR did she? After telling Philip Schofield and the nation that while meeting her boyfriend's parents for the first time she threw a piece of steak on to his dad, blew snot out of her nose whilst laughing so hard and… then… blocked up the toilet…!! So she's not seeing him anymore…! Wonder why eh…? Plumber's fees too expensive…?
I think it's safe to say we did nothing to shatter the dumb cheerleader image. Especially when we seen our scores… So you ready for the scores then?… hhhmmm… Here goes, bear in mind this is out of 70…!
- Carole Anne – 30
- Katrina Foran – 31
- Nicole – 36
- Karen – 32
- Clayr – 30
- and ME – 54…!! Rock On…!! Go Kat, Go Kat…!
OK, I'm a liar… but this is MY diary and I can write what I want. OK… OK… I got 26…! It was ma nerves and the shock of not meeting 'Chitty'… I think I was jet lagged… I'm affronted…! Surprisingly our group – The Entertainers – came third, safe to say it was defo us who pulled the team down then.
So we don't know a lot about 'entertainment' but ask any of us how many layers of tan you can safely use before any streaks will show, how to use nail-polish to sort out laddered American tan tights or how many diamante stones will cover a square inch of material and we're the 'experts'!.
We all had a great time doing the show and we met lots of really nice people. I didn't see Chitty but I got a ride on one of them golf-buggy car things… What a laugh that was.
Dumb Kat, over 'n' out… xxx
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